Sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is “just a kid.” A scared, naïve kid who has yet to experience the hardships and watersheds of life which make adults out of us all. Maybe at 27 years old that’s an accurate description (for some). I’ve tried to prepare myself for “real life,” although in some ways education just delayed everything. There is no substitute for experience; we should live before reading books about life. At some point, time’s up, and you have to face life…in the face. In my case, it will be the face of a newborn baby girl, whose arrival is imminent and whose presence is sure to bring me up-to-date on the “defining moments of life” list.

People have asked me: “are you ready?” This question perplexes me. Am I? Is there a checklist somewhere I don’t know about? Anyone can be ready in the tangible, crib-set-up, baby-wise, diaper-stockpiled sense, but of course this is not what they’re asking. They want to know (or at least they're unknowingly asking) if I’m ready to be a father, if I possess the mental readiness to take on the role of parent, if I am capable of forming the emotional attachment to a child that is conducive to a strong parent-child bond, if my spouse and I have sorted out all our views on parenting and whether we’ve adopted a stance on incentive-based versus punishment-based upbringing and everything else that such a loaded question could possibly imply. I’m always tempted to say something like “well, I’ve been practicing with an American Girl doll, and it’s going good, although I’m not sure how realistic of an experience I’m getting,” or “I have a cat, and we get along.” Not that they mean any harm by the question. It’s just that when I really think about it, I don’t think being ready in this sense is something you can quantify.

But there are some things I do know. I do know that I want to be a father. I know that I am capable of loving a person in a way that transforms me. I know that children are the most precious resource of our world, and that their capacity to change it is greatly influenced by the environment in which they begin. I know that the development of the human mind and personality is the most fascinating thing I have ever contemplated, and the fact that I will be such a shaping force on my child’s life is a responsibility I will cherish. I know too that this world is a place where pain and suffering exist, and that children are not immune. And lastly, I know that I cannot possibly know what it will be like to feel the love a child has for her parent until I feel it, but I believe it will transcend understanding.

So am I really a scared, naïve kid? No, not really. But there are things that I believe I cannot learn from books, including how to be a good parent. There are plenty of “how to be a good parent” books out there, it’s just that being one isn’t as simple as knowing what to do. It’s wanting to do it, and wanting to do it for the right reasons. No doubt it will be challenging, and that my own self-interest will get in the way is a sure thing. But that’s the beauty of becoming a parent: it’s the perfect opportunity to put yourself second, to love selflessly, to care without always being appreciated, to give wondering if you’ll ever receive in return. There are obviously plenty of examples of where the challenge has not been met, although I don’t plan on adding to those numbers. Frankly, I couldn’t be more excited about it.

With that said, let the living begin.

N