I am the metropolitan hipster. My skinny boy jeans are tucked into my Chukkas, and my mustache is curled at the ends. I reject conformist trends and create an identity for myself in being different, although I tend to congregate with other hipsters at hipster coffee shops, where my difference appears more like conformity. My inner-depth is reflected in my artistic lifestyle and grass-roots musical preferences. Please do not overshadow my uniqueness with your predictable suburban consumerist presence and conventional conversation topics, although this is what my uniqueness depends on.
I am the high society dweller. Do not question my ability to spend incredible amounts of money to maintain my lavish lifestyle, with which I distance myself from my less fortunate and poorer peers, except for when I surround myself with them for purposes of receiving their recognition. While most of my money is inherited, I take pride in my wealth as if I earned every penny of it scrubbing floors for minimum wage. Someone in family probably did that anyway. I will defend my right to spend money without conscience or perspective. Any suggestion that I should voluntarily share my wealth to improve the standard of living of others is Socialism, and possibly Nazism if Barrack Obama is saying it. With my money comes automatic self-importance and a place in privileged social circles, where constant comparison deprives everyone of true friendship.
I am the good Christian. I tell my agnostic and atheist friends that I will pray for them when they confide in me about difficulties or struggles in their lives, even though they have asked me not to. I occasionally will forget to close my Bible after highlighting various verses and then will leave it in a conspicuous location at home or at the office. I pray lengthily at restaurants before eating, so that those who witness my devotion may be moved to belief in God. When I'm with my fellow believers, I often go into great detail about my own spiritual failures with a rather transparent sense of false humility. I enjoy leading group prayer, where I occasionally let out a contrived sob after a particularly emotional plea to God. My faith is most real to me when recognized by other people, and I have difficulty containing the joy I feel when recalling my charitable deeds in front of friends and family. I also love telling people that I have forgiven them.
I am the mocker. Sarcasm and satire are the primary tools of my social skill set. I can demonstrate disdain for any person or idea simply with a flick of my vocal tone. When confronted with a legitimate question to which I have no legitimate answer, I make light of the subject. I make light of everything. Actually, for fear of a mocking reprisal, I rarely make any serious substantive comments of any kind. Through my constant use of sarcasm I show my boredom for the ordinary and mundane, which I hope comes across as sophistication, although I also mock sophisticated people to diminish their perception as, well, sophisticated. With my highly developed mocking abilities I wish to create the impression that I am, in fact, very intelligent, or very funny, although in reality my overbearing use of sarcasm reflects a low level of maturity where recognition among my peers for a sharp use of humor is valued more than any contribution I might make to a subject by committing to any position or idea. In my own trite little brain, I am above the things I mock, and I mock everything.
I am the individual's search for identity. I take many forms, but I am always true to my nature, which is at its essence the desire for affirmation. It is in the pursuit of identity, when the baser part of the individual is unceasingly seeking acknowledgment, where people may find true commonality.
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